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What Happens in Facebook Wedding Shaming Groups

What Happens in Facebook Wedding Shaming Groups

Facebook wedding shaming groups hit the headlines this week after a bride’s post about her reasons for cancelling her wedding went viral. If you’ve caught up on that drama but are confused about what the hell a Facebook wedding shaming group is, don’t worry. We’ve been sleuthing…

Facebook Wedding Shaming Groups: The Basics

If you’ve ever had a nightmare that everyone hated you and picked apart every single detail of your wedding, you’ve got a pretty good idea about what happens in wedding shaming groups already. Members share pictures of weddings to slag them off. If they’re shaming pals or relatives, members block out the faces. If the posts are about strangers, they don’t bother.

What Gets Shamed?

Most wedding shamers are based in America, so we see a lot of sorority drama and camouflage decor. Shamers who target people they know in real life often provide lengthy backstories, sometimes for context, sometimes to justify the shaming. When we get those insights, there’s usually a lot of adultery, cancelled weddings, money trouble and family feuding.

The shaming story that went viral in mid-August is representative of the content that gets attention within the group. Brides with outlandish standards that lack self awareness are enemy number one. Grooms rarely get any negative attention – funny that. If you want more details without having to get caught up in the group, here’s what usually crops up:

Brides asking for money from guests, or on online fundraising pages. Almost universally slated, brides who want other people to fund their weddings pop up almost daily. God loves a trier, but the same can’t be said of wedding shamers.

Camouflage, sports themes, country flags. The American version of county colours.

Bridesmaids who have had it, officially. Brazen bridesmaids share their tales of woe, apparently unconcerned that some of the twenty-thousand members might also know the bride. This would not happen in Ireland, where the bride would definitely have three aunts, a cousin and a Slimming World consultant in the group, reading to defend her.

The Good Bits

Some members post photos of their own weddings to be shamed, or “roasted” by the group. Often, their wedding aesthetic is something they’ve outgrown and want to laugh about with hindsight. This is about as polite as shaming gets. The brides are usually good sports and there’s room for a laugh. Everyone’s in on it – no harm, no foul.

The Bad Bits

Members of these shaming groups often take screenshots from other wedding planning groups, where brides have posted their dresses, decor and venues in earnest, either looking for advice or just to share their excitement. These brides are not in the shaming group, and they’re very much not in on the joke. These discussions are pretty indefensible.

Plus, while many groups have anti-racism guidelines, commentary is often coded. Rings look ghetto, brides are classless. Even when racism isn’t an issue, body shaming and classicism are rife. Which, on top of the general being-a-wagon vibe, makes these forums pretty nasty places.

How Can I Join?

Pop ‘wedding shaming’ into the search bar on Facebook and you’ll find plenty of active groups. Really though, we’d suggest you steer clear, especially if you’re planning a wedding. It’s all fun, games and schadenfreude until you Brooke Washington screenshots your DIY centrepieces.

 

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